The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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