Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
