No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
