Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
