So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
