Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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