In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
