The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
