Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
