As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
