what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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