when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
