get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
