I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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