So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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