just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
