party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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