id be glad to
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
