ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
