haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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