I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
