He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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