I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
