i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
be right there i have to get my cape
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
