I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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