I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
