Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
