before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
