If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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