so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
