How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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