New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
