She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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