I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
