I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
