They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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