my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
