Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
