So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
