I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
