textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
