when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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