WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
