Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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