Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
