my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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