also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
