Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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