I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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