I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
high people should be assigned attendants
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
