TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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