I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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