I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
