best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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