the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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