yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
