Yo dont text me then not text me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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