This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
