Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
